When it comes to universal human activities, nothing is more overlooked than post-defecation clean up. But does everyone perform this common behavior the same way? Of course not. So surely some techniques are more effective than others. Here you will find a simple method that will keep your anus fresh, clean, and happy every day.

Be sure you have completed your bowel movement prior to wiping commencement. This spares you unnecessary repetition of the procedure.

Choice of toilet paper is critical. Being eco-friendly and choosing post-consumer products is honorable, though it may be rough (literally) on your delicate areas.

Basic tissue is also a fine choice and may be best for those of us on a budget.

For the ultimate in bathroom wiping luxury, a soft tissue with aloe and vitamin e is the only choice.

How To Wipe Your Butt: Step 1.

Now you can begin wiping. It is important that you remain seated for the duration of the procedure, as this ensures proper area coverage and meticulous cleansing. Start out with a decent size wad of tissue; three balled-up squares should be plenty.

How To Wipe Your Butt: Figure 1-1

Three squares should be enough to start.

Reach around and behind your butt, and lean onto the opposing cheek.

How To Wipe Your Butt: Figure 1-2

It's crucial to remain seated.

Wipe with the pointer, middle, and ring fingers of your acting hand under the toilet paper. Have your middle finger slightly raised with your pointer and ring fingers resting partially behind.

How To Wipe Your Butt: Figure 1-3

Proper pressure and finger placement.

Use moderate pressure and wipe at a cautious speed from front to back. Continue with this step, using the same size wad of tissue, until the amount of remnants on the paper decreases by fifty percent.

How To Wipe Your Butt: Figure 1-4

Front to back, ladies!

How To Wipe Your Butt: Step 2.

When obvious progress has been made, the amount of tissue required should be reduced. Two crumpled squares should be enough at this stage.

How To Wipe Your Butt: Figure 2-1

Two squares is all you'll need now.

Follow the directions of Step 1 (with the reduced paper amount), using increasing pressure with each wipe. Continue until the amount of remnants on the tissue decreases to a small amount.

How To Wipe Your Butt: Figure 2-2

Be sure to check your progress.

How To Wipe Your Butt: Step 3.

The paper quantity should now be decreased to one folded square. This really is sufficient. Really.

How To Wipe Your Butt: Figure 3-1

All you'll need now is one square.

Again, repeat the wiping directions from Step 1, but now you should be using significant (though not excessive) pressure. As you pass over your anus, relax the sphincter muscles and slightly press the pad of your middle finger into the opening, continuing the progression from front to back. Repeat this step until there is very little to no remnants transferring onto the paper.

How To Wipe Your Butt: Figure 3-2

Don't be afraid to enter, just a little.

How To Wipe Your Butt: Step 4.

Now you are ready for the final cleansing stage. Using a wet wipe, repeat Step 3 until absolutely no remnants remain. You may use moist wipes designed for adult bathroom use or baby wipes.

How To Wipe Your Butt: Figure 4-1

Wet wipes: modern civilization at its finest.

This is an oft-ignored step to the wiping process, but one that should never be passed up. In this step, you are ensuring a fresh, thorough clean that is second only to a bath or shower, greatly reducing or eliminating any staining, odor, or itching that may occur later.

How To Wipe Your Butt: Step 5.

The toilet should now be flushed.

How To Wipe Your Butt: Figure 5-1

Don't forget!

Adjust your clothing as necessary.

How To Wipe Your Butt: Figure 5-2

Double check your fly.

Wash your hands with soap and water.

How To Wipe Your Butt: Figure 5-3


You may light a match and/or a candle for the consideration of subsequent bathroom users.

Congratulations! You have successfully wiped your butt and may proceed throughout your day with confidence.